Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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