Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
