Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
