Acid is not a monday night drug
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
