Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
