If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
