So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
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It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
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I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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