I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
