What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
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Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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