just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
