I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Houston, we have a squirter
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
