What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
