i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
