I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
