All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
