I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
