i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
