i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
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That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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