I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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