Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
