Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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