well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
