tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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