He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
