Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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