then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
