Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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