I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
