note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
