his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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