I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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