I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He has the fingertips of a God
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
