I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
