this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
