im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
