i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
