You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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