So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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