dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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