I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
50% drunk capacity currently
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
