can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
