I'm jealous of your bromance
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
