There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize