naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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