New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
