Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
