SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
