I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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