and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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