I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
