I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
