I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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