The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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