I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
