I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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