Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
where are you?
Hypothermia
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize