clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
