I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
