my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can't put those talents on a resume
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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