Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you traded sex for a burrito?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
