i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
