life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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