everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Someone came in the potted fern
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
