Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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