yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My vagina just recognized that song.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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