Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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