Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize