Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
