I will die if light touches me.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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