I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
