shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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