i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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