i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
