Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
